Jeff Scott and I have been a married couple 23 years this past October 1. We believe we know the key to a longlasting, happy marriage. We are not perfect people. In spite of this, glory to God, we have a happy marriage!
We have soooo often heard that the “key” to a good marriage is communication. As in, the talking kind; the ability to hash out one’s opinions, desires and needs with another; get your point across, and so on.
Ummm. We beg to differ. My hubby and I have completely different personalities, each producing different ways of communicating. Although, we can almost always read each other’s minds. Mysterious, huh?
The way we each individually express ourselves will probably never change. It’s the way we are. I am very talkative. I love words and am usually quite passionate and free about using them. No big surprise, right?
My husband thinks first, speaks later, if he finds it necessary. You know, the type the Bible applauds as “wise”. He is the one who thinks before he speaks and does-not-answer-a-matter-before-he-hears-the-whole-thing type of guy. (yea, I’m jealous) 🙂
Now…I do think. ALOT. It’s just that…my thinking and my speaking often walk on each other…you know?…cut in front of the other, step on each another’s toes?
My husband…he uses his words carefully and sparingly, even if it means loooong pauses in between them. He doesn’t even feel the need for the socially acceptable usage of vocalizations or brief phrases, such as, ” hmmm”, “ummm”, or “Let me see here…”. Not even so much as a light tapping of the finger on the chin or jaw as if to say, “I am giving that some thought”. More wonderful virtues, self control…and the patience of Job.
So my point is, while Jeff and I talk plenty, we are not always that marvelous at it and we don’t let that get to us. Big deal. The thing is, that’s not what we are living for. We’ve come to a place where we do not place unreasonable expectations upon each other to “get what I’m saying”, “get where I am coming from”, “get my point” or “see it my way”. Therefore, rating our marriage success on how we verbally communicate is counterproductive, plain silly and just not worth the damage it could cause our friendship, and our goal of a long, exciting, happy, deeply loving marriage!
When a couple is upset because they can’t seem to successfully communicate, often it boils down to pride. They are dissatisfied because they are not being heard the way they want to be heard. It upsets them that their opinions, “needs”, and wants are not being validated and justly honored. Fusses like this usually turn into immature, adult-size tantrums. The fighter, as they say, is shooting herself in the foot! I sure don’t want to deprive myself of the amazing blessings that come from forgetting about “me” and simply loving my mate!
Enjoy Each Other and Have Fun!
Here are my top 10 daily marriage goals:
1) Make my husband smile every day. Whatever it takes. Be his dream-come-true!
2) Smile. Always be kind and polite to him AND about him to others. (Be easy to love!)
3) Hug, kiss, and touch him every chance I get. Enjoy sharing my “personal space”.
4) Lighten up. Do not be easily offended. Give him a break.
5) Be quiet. Rarely will there ever be any issue that is worth ruining our day over.
6) Pray about an issue before bringing it to him. Bring it up only if/when I’m sure God says so.
7) Faithfully pray for him throughout each day and tell him so.
8) Serve him sweetly. It’s not about my happiness, it’s about my holiness.
9) Keep our love nest (bedroom) sanctified, special.
10)There is always something to be thankful for. I want him to know how grateful I am for him and our marriage. No relationship on earth is as special as marriage. I know this because God uses marriage as a picture of Christ and the Church, His bride!
II Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work!
God bless you and your marriage moments!
Search for Hidden Treasure:
There are a multitude of verses in Scripture that teach me to do all the things on my top ten list. It’s fun to search for them. You may start with Proverbs 31:10-31. Some verses may have already popped into your mind. Use your Bible index or concordance. If you need more help there are online resources, and smart phone or ipad apps that help with Bible searches and word studies. Enjoy the search! Popular Christian author and speaker, Elizabeth George began as a new Christian highlighting Scriptures about godly womanhood in pink! That’s a great idea.:)