We were married in 1988; now 23 years! After about a year and a half into our marriage I became pregnant. To say we were excited is an understatement. We enjoyed our news for 3 short weeks and then sadly, at nine weeks along I miscarried.
About 5 or 6 years later, after not conceiving again we went to a fertlilty specialist for help. Long story short, I have extensive endometriosis, twice have had laparoscopy and laser surgery, (could have had more if I was willing to go through it again, but I wasn’t and am not), fertility drugs, artificial insemination, countless blood tests, months of urgent time sensitive trips to the doctor for blood work and ultrasounds, month after month of negative-result phone calls and years of praying, hoping and trying to do everything possible to make conception happen again. It never did. I wanted to be a mommy so much! Even though I knew I could easily love a child that I did not carry and physically give birth to, I did still grieve knowing I may never carry a baby, give birth, nurse and the wonders of it all. I even asked the Lord to please take away our desire to have children if it was not His will for us. But our desire only grew stronger. So, we continued praying fervently!
We began praying about adopting. We asked our family and friends to pray. Several times situations were presented to us where we thought we may get to adopt, but they were not meant to be. We were in the process of completing paperwork through a local agency when one day a friend from church called me. She and her husband had met a birthmother and adopted her newborn four years prior. She called to tell me that their child’s birthmother had contacted them to tell them that she had a friend who was pregnant and needed to make an adoptive plan; did our friends want to adopt again. My friend said they did not, but they knew a couple who did! We were ecstatic! Naturally we were hoping and praying this could be the blessing we had been waiting for.
We set up a meeting for that weekend (Labor Day weekend 1997!). We all met at a restaurant, us, our friends, and the birthparents. We were nervous, and prayed for the Lord’s will. We wanted them to like us. We wanted them to know we would be good, loving parents, and with all our hearts would always try to do the best we could. We brought a little photo album to help them get to know a little bit about us. We thought it went very well. The young mother was very sweet, caring, mature and so courageous. I liked her very much from the start.
By the end of the weekend, our sweet birthmother called us to announce that she wanted us to adopt her precious baby!!! I lost it! I was overcome! It was like years worth of emotions were all pouring out in one moment! Jeff and I were both so happy! Our best friends, Greg and Jen, were with us when we got that wonderful call. I asked Jen, “How am I ever going to do this? I can’t even keep it together hearing the news we are going to be parents!” She hugged me and told me I would be just fine and I was going to be a mother. In other words, Melissa, you are just going to be busy being a Mommy!
Wow! Our dreams were coming true! Finally, after nine years of crying out to God, waiting, and enduring so much disappointment, our lives…and our prayers were about to change!
Our situation was very special. God seemed to take all of our dreams for an adoptive experience and made them all come true above and beyond what we could ask or think. It was a blessed experience. Our dear birthmother became my dear friend. We talked on the phone and she let me pick her up and attend her OB appointments with her. She was about 6 1/2 months along. We would make a day of it, have lunch and talk. For the ultrasound, we were even all four there, both birthparents and both adoptive parents. Together we found out, “It’s a girl!”.
My dear friend, our first child’s precious birthmother, always put me before herself. I was in awe of her courage, her love, her selflessness! As the pregnancy progressed, naturally she became more physically uncomfortable, (although I knew a part of her didn’t want it to end). I remember at a check-up in the later weeks of her pregnancy the doctor asked her if she wanted to find out if she had begun dilating. As those who’ve been there know, it’s an uncomfortable exam. I stood by her side and she looked at me and said, “If you want to know, we’ll do it.” What!? She was willing to be uncomfortable or even endure pain that day for me; to satisfy my curiosity. I told her if the doctor didn’t have to know then we could wait.
She was selfless. She thought of our baby girl first, then Jeff and I, and put herself last. Through it all, she always treated us with love and respect…and even gratitude. We respect her and we are forever grateful God chose to put us all together.
More to come. Look for Above All We Ask or Think~ Part 2 ~